I'm so excited to tell you about a new opportunity for moms this year! Kelly from Tabitha's Team is walking moms through My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers this year. This week's topic has generated some interesting discussion and great questions.I kind of feel like this submission topic is sometimes like peeling the layers of an onion. There are so many reasons why we may struggle, and sometimes it takes a while to get to the bottom of it.
It could be that:
Today, I simply want to share with you some great books that have helped me love my husband more and also "love on" my husband more. Maybe one of them will strike a chord with you. I decided to not even go pouring over my bookshelves to look for them. I'm simply going by the ones that changed me enough to stick out in my memory.
P.S. I do like to read. :)
When my husband is struggling with a certain topic, I can pull out the book, look it up, and remind myself how to pray. Sometimes I just grab it, and look up the chapter for whatever day of the month it is and pray that prayer.
The biggest reason I love this book? Sometimes, especially when you have lots of little ones, your heart is just to exhausted to mentally form the prayers. You know you need to pray, but how? What? There is a certain comfort in those prayers where the spirit simply intercedes for you because you can't even put the words to it. But reading these prayers helps me engage my mind. It reminds me of the truth of God's word, and the truth of our situation. Stormie has written these prayer books for many relationships...she even wrote one for husbands to pray for their wives. Perhaps the pair would be a great valentine investment. :)
Then right along those same lines.....
Wow! Such a simple insight. A wife sees love as love. A husband sees love as respect. You don't respect him? He doesn't feel loved. Its pretty simple really.
I really had no idea how disrespectful I was to my husband before I read this book. I didn't realize the impact some of my words and actions had. It really kind of put the practical touches on how to show him honor and love him on his level. I learned to ask God to help me respect him, when I didn't always find it easy.
In the same way that Love & Respect help you understand the general love language of men, The Five Love Languages sheds further insight on how your specific man likes to be shown love - and how you like to be shown love.
I read this book earlier in our marriage. It actually helped me identify how out of touch I was with my own heart. What made me feel loved?
Bill and I discovered that each of our love languages were the one that was most difficult for the other to meet. Bill's love language is touch (not to be confused with sex). You know, like brushing his shoulders when you walk by or rubbing his head, giving lots of hugs, and reaching for his hand in the car. I'm a personal space kind of girl...not really into all that touching. When I first really started working on this (which I'm ashamed to say was several years after reading the book), I honestly had to discipline myself to touch him. Silly, I know. But it just isn't natural for me. It is becoming more natural, though, and it makes all the difference to him.
Knowing your own love language will help you help your husband love you as well. (I say that because I will not assume you can get your husband to read the book, too. If your house is like mine, I give regular book reports and highlight all the main points in a Cliff Notes style for my non-reader husband.) For instance, my love language is quality time. Usually for me, that means conversation. I am married to, perhaps the quietest man on the planet. He really doesn't like talking all that much. I have put him to sleep many times.
It is easy for our spouses to feel "unloved" simply because we are loving them our way, not their way. It can be a fairly simple adjustment once the light bulb comes on and you ask God for lots of help.
Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, changed my life. I've often been surprised how many people are leery of the Boundaries books. I guess I was a bit too, until I read it. My "leeriness" was based on mis-assumptions. This book helps address many of the questions that are faced in manipulative and abusive relationships. It helps you stop and realize that if all your relationships seem to head the same direction, then maybe it says more about you than it does for everyone else. In a sense, you teach others how to treat you. You may think that sounds controlling, but really, this book helped me see how much I tried to control others by the misuse of boundaries.
If you are looking for an "out" to the whole submission thing, especially if you think your husband is one that God would make an exception for, this book is for you. But watch out! It isn't what you expect.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that we all have boundaries. It is just a matter of whether or not we tell others what we are. Most of us are guilty of exploding when someone crosses our boundary. We just assumed they should know. We never actually told them.
It is really difficult to describe all the sludge this stirred up in my life, so you may need a dose of courage to crack it open. But I've never met someone that regretted it. Drs. Cloud and Townsend have many amazing books. This is just one.
Sex is important in marriage....and not just for the man. If you have some hangups in sex that may have to do with spiritual perception or past guilt, this is a great book.
Growing up in a strong Christian home, I knew that sex was supposed to be saved for marriage. I knew that God planned it that way, and I knew it was right. But what I didn't really understand was how beautiful and spiritual he intended it to be. Sex became a big "no, no!" in my mind, because it was forbidden. Unfortunately, I had some serious mental hang-ups when I got married because it is hard to turn off the "no, no!" switch. Sacred Sex opened my eyes to the beauty of sex from a spiritual viewpoint and helped me understand why God created it the way He did.
Do you struggle with insecurity? Very few of us don't.
If you'd like to read the book, now is a great time to get a hold of it. Beth will be hosting a nine week discussion through the book on her Living Proof Ministries Blog. The reading assignments and discussions will start on February 11, but she will ask you to "sign up" on the 9th. That gives everyone a bit of time to get the book in their hands.
Beth used a lot of the feedback from the blog discussions to help her write the book, and now would like to use the feedback from the discussion group to help her prepare for the April 24 simulcast. You can find out more details on the LPM Blog right here.
I was thrilled to discover last night that CBD has this CD on sale for $5.00!! How awesome is that?
We have a few more exciting posts coming up about the angels in the Christmas story. But before we go any further, I thought it would be nice to talk a little more "about" angels.
However, I don't consider myself an expert on the subject. I could write about some things I know and study a bunch more in order to share it, but it would take me hours...and it still probably would be deficient. So instead, I wanted to share a link. Billy Graham has written a book called, Angels, that is really good. I found a link tonight where Billy Graham answers many commonly asked questions about angels. Enjoy!
I also wanted to share this great song by Mandisa on her True Beauty album, which I've been enjoying immensely today. It's called God Speaking.
Have you had the chance to meet Kay Arthur? (at least in a book). If not, let me introduce you. :)
You can read about her and her ministry, Precepts Ministries International, right here.
I highly recommend Kay's materials. They are solid and in-depth. The only problem is, that like with most in-depth Bible studies, they often leaving moms with young ones overwhelmed by the time commitment to get through a lesson - or worse a week's worth of lessons to meet with a group each week.
So, along with introducing you to Kay, I want to introduce you to one of my mommy Bible study methods. :)
Right now, I'm going through a Precept's book. It is designed to be 6 weeks long, and done in a groups setting without homework in between. That is a great way for a mom to do a lesson: arrange some childcare, pick a night, and dive into the word. However, there have been many seasons in my life where I couldn't arrange childcare, pick a night, and do anything. You hear me?!
So several years ago, I learned to let go of timelines. I would still pick my favorite books by my favorite Bible Study authors, but throw out the expected timeline for finishing it. It isn't always realistic to find a 90 minute time slot in the week where you can meet with God without interruption, but if you can find 5-10 minutes a day, you can still cover the same material. You just have to learn to stop when you need to stop, instead of rushing as fast as you can to finish a lesson...meaning you probably didn't absorb half of it.
So, starting today, I'm going to guide you through one week of lessons with Kay Arthur....but it may take us more than a week. Keep in mind, this week of lessons is designed to do in one session as a group. But we're going to break it down one verse at a time and absorb.
If you like her questions and her style of doing things, you may want to pick up some more of her material. You can get them in the Precept's store or you can find them other places too - like CBD and even Amazon.
We're going to start with The Essentials of Effective Prayer.
It is found with both of these covers, depending on where you get it.
So....get ready! I'm going to reprint Kay's instructions one verse at a time. If you like it, get the book!
