Quiet, Grace Filled Mom -Lesson 21

Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

When I first read this verse in relation to our Quest, I thought only about how, as moms, we need to encourage each other in the Lord, daily. That fits so perfectly with the example set forth for us to pray for one another. We simply need to follow up those prayers with words of encouragement. Sometimes I just need someone else (preferably just as battle scarred as me) to let me know that I am doing a good job at this task called motherhood. I need to remember that, and take the time to encourage my mom-friends when I see them as well.

However fitting it is to encourage each other, we can’t forget to encourage our own children in what they do.  One of the most time-tested, efficient, and well proven methods of discipline is positive reinforcement. I remember this phrase well from my days in college as I earned my degree in teaching. It was even part of my teacher evaluations done while I was in the classroom. In fact, I remember clearly the little box that the principal would check off that confirmed if I had used positive reinforcement, and precisely, if I had used “specific praise”.

Giving “specific praise” means that you don’t look at a room that your child has tidied and say, “Good job”, then walk away. To give specific praise means that you would say something more like, “Wow, you really worked hard to get the sheets on your bed flat, and the toys off the floor. Good job!” Why? Well, kids need to know that they are doing a good job too. Their “job” is to be a kid. It is a hard job. Growing up is no easy task. We may look back and think how easy our children have it, but sometimes we forget that they are working…working to learn and grow into big people.

Take time to specifically praise and encourage your children in the Lord today.  I promise to do the same. Even something as simple as saying, “Sweetie, you are doing a wonderful job singing Jesus Love Me. I know it makes Jesus happy to hear that.” Or, maybe say, “You are showing God’s love by sharing that toy with your brother…good job!” The Bible says that by doing so, we are in effect, warding off “sin’s deceitfulness”. Our children will seek our attention via any means they can. It is just how they are programmed. If we offer up attention in an encouraging manner, they are much less apt to discover naughty ways to earn that same face time.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 20

2 Thessalonians 1:11 (NIV) “Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power.”

All throughout the letters written to the young church (in the New Testament), Paul and Timothy are constantly telling the people that they are praying for them. I often wondered why these little statements were so important that they were recorded in the Bible for generations upon generations to study. I may not have the theological chutzpah to tell you why others may read them, but I think I finally understand why God put them there for me (us) to read. But first, I have to tell you a little of my history…

A few years after I was married, I was given a medical diagnosis that shattered my world. Beyond the specific medical this and that, I was told that I was infertile. For a girl who wanted nothing more than to grow up and become a wife and mother, that was a whopper of a bitter pill to take. I wanted babies, and I wanted them NOW. God led me to a wonderful group of women called Ladies in Waiting, who eventually merged and became an international online ministry called Hannah’s Prayer, a Christian support group for married women facing the difficulties of infertility and/or infant loss. Those years were so incredibly hard for me. I even reached a point where I felt I just couldn’t pray for myself any more. My prayers seemed all dried up. Yet, for some reason, I could pray for others. Each week, we would compile a list of prayer requests and praise reports. I was able to rest in the knowledge that even when I was so weary that I couldn’t lift my eyes to heaven on my own behalf, my friends would be faithful to pray for me, and I was also faithful to pray for them. This was 10 years ago. Some of those ladies are still my dearest and closest friends. I can still count on knowing that they will be faithful to pray for me when I need it the most. Best of all, it takes all my fingers and toes to count the amazing blessings (children) that God has placed in the arms of these beautiful women (and myself).

As mothers, we need to support, stand by, and pray for each other. We aren’t in this Quest to become Quiet Grace Filled Mothers alone. Is there another mother with whom you share a similar journey? Do you have a friend with older children who has been through the “fire” and can offer a shoulder? Sometimes, finding a friend to share your joys, sorrow, challenges, and prayer request with is hard. I know! I am an Army wife. Each time we move, I ask God to please bring at least one close friend into my life. He has blessed me each time, without fail. Just ask the Lord, and wait for the blessing! Don’t be afraid to search out a mother’s Bible study, MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, or even a PTA friend. You never know where God will plant that special Mom-friend for your life. If nothing else, know that as I write this devotional, I am praying for each and every mother that will ever read it.

Prayer: Oh Father, you are so wise. Thank you for teaching us that we need to pray for each other as we walk in your Word and try to become Quiet Grace Filled Mothers. Thank you for the words that seem to spill out of my fingers, and onto the page. Please, Lord, bless these words. Help them to encourage each mother who joins this quest with me. Thank you for ________________. She wants to be more like you. We both want to learn to parent our children the way you parent and guide us. Please help us to turn to you and listen to the wisdom you share in the Bible. Thank you for our children, and the many ways you have filled our arms and families. Amen.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom -Lesson 19

Matthew 11: 28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

These verses are so easy to cling to, and so popular in devotions. I have probably read them dozens upon dozens of times. However, until I set upon this quest, I have never really paid attention to the second portion of verse 29 where Jesus says, “for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. That is what I want. I long to be gentle and humble in heart, just like Jesus.

Now, these verses have new meaning to me. First, above all else, Jesus wants us to come to him. He says so right here! Just picture your best friend calling to you to come, sit, and enjoy a moment of peace. This goes hand in hand with our verse in Exodus where God is promising to go with Moses and give him rest. Neither verse promises a literal time of sleep, relaxation, manicures, and kid free zones. Yet, both promise rest. How is that possible?

When sitting at the table with my best friend (aka, spending time alone with the Lord), I am sitting with someone who’s very countenance is the epitome of gentleness and peace. By simply dwelling with Him, allowing Him to teach me as His child, I can learn by example how to teach my own children. My soul is indeed what needs rest. I can get all the sleep I want (in my dreams…wait, you have to sleep to have those), but without a peaceful soul, that sleep will not help me become a Quiet Grace Filled Mother.

Prayer: Oh Father, thank you for sending your Son. He made the path so easy for me. All I have to do is come to Him, trust in Him, and I will receive rest for my soul. That is what I need. Thank you! Amen

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 18

Exodus 33:14 (NIV) The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Motherhood is just about the most exhausting job I have ever done. It doesn’t stop, you don’t get breaks, and you don’t get to call in a substitute when you are sick. One side effect of motherhood is exhaustion…pure and complete, all consuming exhaustion. Not every day is like this, but many are when you have a house full of little ones. These are the days when I find my self on the verge of yelling. When I am tired, it seems like it takes more energy than I have to stop and parent in a Quiet Grace Filled manner. How am I supposed to get through those days without yelling?

Of course, the obvious answer is “get some sleep”, or some such nonsense. If you have children of the tender young age of 0 days -18 yrs, you know that moms just don’t get to sleep when they want to. We sleep when we can. So, that solution won’t work, at least for me.

OK then, how do I get rest? In Exodus, God was preparing Moses for the work ahead of him. Moses knew it would be a doozie, being for all intents and purposes a parent to his entire “people”, but God replied, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” That is pretty comforting. If Moses can lead an entire group of whining, complaining, ungrateful people by trusting in the Lord to give him rest, I know that I can lead my little merry band of mess makers while daily leaning on the Lord for rest.

It only takes a moment…a prayer…a song…a scripture verse…a sweet “I love you” from a child, to find rest. As mothers, we can take our rest in the Lord. Don’t worry, we’ll sleep when they go off to college. Or, maybe not…my mom still calls to check in on me and I have been away from their home longer than I was in it.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 17

Psalm 61:1-2 (NIV) Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

This Psalm is the basis for several popular praise and worship songs for a very simple reason. These words are comforting, strong, and provide hope in any situation.

For me, as I strive to be a Quiet, Grace Filled Mother, I know that my cry and my prayer are that God would give me strength to carry out this task, wisdom to lead and train my children, and rest in the hope and trust that I can indeed lean on a “rock that is higher than I”.

Being a mom is hard. Period. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have, what ages they are, or how they came into your arms. Motherhood is a challenge and an adventure that is unlike any other we will face. It is very comforting to know that we can cry out in our desperation and be heard. A different translation of this verse says “attend unto my prayer”. The word “attend” really struck me. When I talk to God, he doesn’t “listen” the way I sometimes half heartedly listen to what my children have to say. He “attends” to my words. That means that he absorbs and processes all that I say in a focused manner. I can’t help but wonder how things would change if I took the time to “attend” to not only what my children are saying, but what I was saying as well.

In addition to thinking about my own words and listening skills, this Psalm reminded me of something else that is extremely important. When I do cry out to God, he listens. However, it is my job to follow as He will “lead me to the rock that is higher than I” when I do cry out. It isn’t enough for me just to ask for wisdom in parenting. I have to follow, learn, and dwell with my Lord before I can take strength from Him.

Prayer: Father, you are so amazing. The fact that you truly listen to, and attend to the words I say fills me with awe. Please hear my cry for strength as I work to care for these children you have given to me. Thank you for the knowledge that as I grow weary and weak from this challenge, you will sustain me. Amen

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 16

2 Timothy 2:14 (NIV) Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.

At first glance, this verse seems like the perfect verse to teach children who fuss and quarrel with each other. Well, it probably is. However, this verse struck me as ever so important for mothers. It is so easy for us to argue with our children. Those little stinkers can pull us into a quarrel without us even knowing what happened. Sometimes, I think they go to a secret school to learn just what buttons to push to draw us into an argument that they think they can win. For me, as the argument wages on, my volume increases. The end of the episode usually ends up with me yelling something really insightful like, “BECAUSE I SAID SO”. That is not quiet, it is not grace filled, and it doesn’t teach my children anything they should learn. I don’t want to “ruin those who listen” (my little ones with radar ears).

How then, do we approach these situations? First, we have to learn to recognize the warning signs that a storm is approaching. Each child has different cues. One sets her jaw, the other stares with a certain dominance, and another clenches her fists. My little guy just gives me a smile that could charm a snake, and I know he is up to no good. If I can recognize those signs, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and come into the arena armed with grace instead of anger, I win before we start. The simplest way I have found is to simply not listen. By refusing to acknowledge their words until they are rephrased in a kind manner, the little bomb they planted is defused before the timer can be set. This does take training. At first, you have to talk them through the steps.

“I’m sorry, Mommy can’t understand ugly words….how can you say that differently?”

WHINE WHINE YELL FUSS….

“Can you say it this way…..”

WHINE CRY SCREAM

“I’m so sorry. When you can talk with mommy about this in a gentle way, maybe we can figure something out…..

Eventually, I promise, they will come around. I have a very wise friend who also is blessed with 3 girls and a boy. However, her children are all much older than mine. She has this routine perfected. All she has to do is look at them a certain way, and her kids rephrase what they are saying. To me, it is like watching a ballerina dancing on point when I see her gently correct and guide her children. I hope to dance the same dance one day. I want my words to be of value to my children.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom- Lesson 14

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

When I was a little girl in children’s choir, we learned this verse set to music. Now, my children have a CD with the very same song. It is a catchy little tune, and once it gets into your head it is hard to get it out. Once again, a verse that was hidden in my heart has come to the front of my mind in reference to how I parent my children.

This is another look at the whole wisdom angle. There is no way I can do this job under the power of “my own understanding”. I do not understand my children some days. Sometimes, I quite literally don’t understand what they are saying as the words come out of those little mouths in a constant stream of whining and fussing. Other days, I can’t figure out what alien being has over taken my sweet little child and replaced him or her with a monster. OK, so maybe no aliens haven’t taken over, but on those days, I simply don’t understand why they just won’t behave the way I want them to behave. It is in these moments that I have to trust that the Lord has a plan for my crew. He alone knows who and what my children are to become. I have to trust God to lead me and control my tongue as I engage in virtual trench warfare with behaviors that are so common to little ones. Temper tantrums, biting, fits, stealing for siblings….all those lovely little issues that crop up when we have a house filled to the brim with young children.

Trust also comes in the realization that God has given these children to me on purpose. It wasn’t an accident that he filled my arms with these specific personalities. The straight path that I want to follow is that of a mother who guides her children with a loving, Godly, and wise hand. Only by trusting God to bring that wisdom into my heart, and trough practicing that wisdom, am I able to continue to daily with this job we call motherhood.

I challenge you to teach this song to your children. Make up your own catchy little tune to the words, or look it up online. However you do it, hide these words in your heart and theirs. You never know when they will pop up in a time of need.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom- Lesson 13

Matthew 18:6 (NIV) But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

When I first began my career as a classroom teacher, I memorized this verse. The power in those words is overwhelming to me. I had to do my job well or I would be better off dead. I didn’t want to lead any child to sin. Jeepers! That sure does make you think twice, doesn’t it? The job I held as a teacher both in private and public schools became a mission as this verse was applied to my daily activities.

When I transitioned from being a classroom teacher to becoming stay at home mom/teacher, that verse moved to the back of my mind. The sheer exhaustion of becoming a new mom put me into survival mode. Actually, I seem to have stayed in that mode for about 6.5 years. But never fear, when we hide God’s word in our hearts, it does indeed come to us in our time of need.

My time of need was not to long ago. As I was frantically showering and changing to start my day, little voices could be heard in the background. You know that if you can hear something over the noise in the shower, it is not good. My temper began to rise, but the flames were doused with a healthy dose of this verse. Those words found their way from the background of my heart to the front of my mind. Oh, was I humbled right then and there. I knew that if I came out of my room, “guns a blazin’”, that I would indeed cause my “little ones” to sin. Teaching them to respond in anger and haste would be the only result of a loud outburst on my part. So, I took a deep breath, waiting to hear that all was still well (if they are fighting, at least they are alive….), gathered up the baby, and walked out into the fray. All three had to be dealt with separately, and with consequences for their behaviors. Usually, this would set the tone for a terrible day. However, by God’s Grace, and through the wisdom He had given me, the day was just fine. We were able to reset and redeem our day…even if I was a little disheveled and my hair was a mess because I forgot to comb it out.

I challenge you to memorize this verse. Our job as mothers is the most important one we have. Teaching and leading our little ones isn’t a job we can do alone. Trusting God to guide us is the only way we can make it though this challenge.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 12

Matthew 7:12 “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

The old golden “do unto others” rule is golden for a reason. This sums up how we should act in so many aspects of our life: business, relationships, church, school, social encounters…and even parenting. The verse definitely affirms what God has taught me about modeling the behaviors I want my children to exhibit to others. I think we take it for granted that we have to follow this rule when interacting with peers, but it is all to easily forgotten when interacting with our own children.

When I read this verse, and the surrounding passage, I realized that it most definitely applies to parenting and becoming a Quiet Grace Filled Mother. The verse should also be a steady influence in how my home is run. If I want my children to respond to me in a respectful tone, I have to respond to them in the same manner. Do they deserve respect even though they are smaller, younger than me, and on some days just plain outright naughty? Yes, I believe they do. Those little ones are God’s workmanship, and just as important to Him as I am. By respect, I mean that they deserve to be spoken to in an even and understandable tone. If correction is needed, it should be given in a manner that is firm but not irate. This is definitely a hard one for me, especially when my crew has pushed my very limits of frustration. It is an extreme effort in self (or should I say God) control to maintain a peaceful tone in my voice. I’ve been practicing, and it is paying off.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom - Lesson 11

1 Corinthians 8:6 (NIV) yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

It is SO easy to fall back into old habits. For me, that habit is yelling. I have proven to myself that I can not achieve this quest if I am not in the Word…meaning if I am not daily searching for and studying God’s word as set in front of me in the Bible. A month of chores, sick mom, sick kids, and traveling hubby knocked me off of my horse. I fell back into my old trap. Twice, I caught myself in the throws of a good old fashioned mom fit. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. It is so true that it is through God that we live. By live, I don’t mean that our cells are carrying out respiration and we are functioning. I mean that we are truly living out the life God wants for us, plans for us, and carries us through each day.

Prayer: Father, I am so sorry. I was becoming so confident in “my” abilities to parent that I let You fall by the side. How wrong I was. God, you are the strength in my parenting, not me. Please forgive my haughtiness, and allow me to come back into your arms. Thank you for continuing to teach me wisdom, even when I wasn’t searching for it. Help me to crave your word each day.

Ever need to take your own medicine? by Kendra

Yep, that's me this week. I just took a heaping spoonful of hard to swallow, bitter tasting medicine created by my own two hands.

Does this ever happen to you as a mom? How about in life in general?

Life has been, to put in the words of one of my co-op students, "NUTSO"! We have been sick, hubby has been TDY (Army-speak for traveling for work), and I am just all around worn out by allergies. Did I mention sick? It seems I let the situations in my life get the best of me. My exhaustion took over, and guess what I did? You are so smart. Yes, I started yelling...again. Truly, I wonder who lives in this body sometimes.

One night, after a screaming match with children before bed, I turned to my husband and we both realized what we had done. Shoot it all, we were yelling again. How did it happen? I realized a lot of little things added up to be big things. I had been skipping breakfast time with the children. This is our normal devotion time. I had been skipping my study time at nap time, opting to pass out instead. We hadn't been to church in over a month due to someone being sick in the family at all times. We had been skipping our prayer time at night. Since my husband wasn't home to pray with me, I'd get lost in blog land until my eyes drooped. Little things...all added up to one big thing: a mommy who wasn't spending any time with the Lord, and a house with a lot of yelling. We had been doing so very well. People were noticing how much we had changed, and our house was as peaceful as a house with 4 small children could be. I was feeling proud...oops, there was one more thing: PRIDE. Yes indeed, it does go before a fall. This fall just happened to be into old habits.

It all boiled down to one big problem. I hadn't spent any time with the Lord, and neither had my family. Last night, I spent time reading through all the lessons God had so patiently brought to me over the course of my Quest. Man, did those verses humble me. So, here I am. I tried. I did well. I failed. I asked for forgiveness, and I am trying again. It seems the Quest to become a Quiet Grace Filled Mom is one I will be on for quite some time! I invite you to join me again as I stumble and trip through this journey of motherhood. I hope you are doing better than I have. But, I promise not to give up! God loves me. I can rest in that for sure!!!

These are the bitter pills I swallowed:

Lesson 1

Lesson 2

Lesson 3

Lesson 4

Lesson 5

Lesson 6

Lesson 7

Lesson 8

Lesson 9

Lesson 10

I have asked the Lord to forgive me, and prayed that he continue to show me how to become a Quiet Grace Filled Mom. I will contine to share with you what I learn, and when I stumble.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mom -Lesson 15

Joshua 24:15 (NIV) But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” These words were on a placard that hung in my childhood home. At one time, we had the same sign in our "grown up" home. However, in all the moves we have made as a military family, the sign must have gotten lost. We are getting a new one! I need this reminder. Who am I serving as I work daily to train my children? God. As mothers, we fall into the trap of constantly serving others, caring for others, and putting ourselves last. Unfortunately for me, sometimes God gets put last after all the chores and little tasks I have set out before me on a daily basis. As I strive to become a Quiet Grace Filled Mother, I need to remember that I am serving God as I parent these children.

It is also important to teach our children from an early age that no matter what they do, they should do it in service to the Lord. If we adopt that attitude, then even the little chores, the way we interact with each other, and how we speak to one another will change.

If you don’t have this sign in your home, give it some serious thought. You don’t need anything fancy. Write it on some cardstock, and let your children decorate the sign. Talk with your children about who it is you serve, and how they too can serve the Lord. As we gain wisdom and become better mothers, they will see by example how to serve the Lord!

Unresolved Anger

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," Ephesians 4:26

There is great unrest in the heart of one who holds on to anger. How do I know? Because I've tried it quite a bit, actually. In fact, I tried it last night. I was mad at my dear husband. I didn't really want to talk to him at all. So I went to bed - without saying goodnight - without even telling him I was going to bed. I just went. I fell asleep fine. But I woke up with a clenched jaw and immediately playing the situations out in my mind again. Immediately God brought this verse to my mind.

Now. I have the opportunity to correct this issue today and not go to bed angry again tonight. I must confess I've not always done that. How about you? Do you have unresolved anger in your heart that is tormenting your spirit? Would you ask God to help you dig that up and take care of it today? Watch out! This is one of those dangerous prayers!

With the Kids: Consider hiding a rock in your kid's bed before they get there tonight. When they discover the discomfort, talk about what happens to our sleep and the rest in our hearts when we go to bed angry.

Memorizing: "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," Ephesians 4:26

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother - Lesson 10

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

God created me. I wasn’t an accident. He did it on purpose. He also created those little monsters, I mean blessings, running around my house. He made them on purpose as well. According to Ephesians 2:10 God made all of us to do “good works”… AND He did all of this in advance.

What on earth are those good works I am supposed to be doing? Well, I am pretty sure that yelling at my kids in anger is definitely not good works. When my words more like rotten apples than “apples of gold and silver” (lesson 4), I can definitely say I am not going about the good works that God had planned for me in advance. Ultimately, as mothers, our supreme “good works” are not ones that anyone will ever hear about on the evening news. Volunteering, feeding the poor, raising much needed research funds, and even teaching Sunday School are great works. However, there is one type of “good works” for which we are responsible above all else. That is to raise our children to know and love the Lord, serving Him as upright citizens who go out and tell the world of His love. This verse caused me to question whether or not I was doing the good works I was created to do.

When I see my oldest respond to her sisters in anger over their ineptitude at completing a task, I know she learned it from somewhere. How many times have I lost my temper because they couldn’t, or didn’t, complete a task? I am ashamed to admit that it has been too many times. She is merely mirroring me. So, if I want her to do good works, then I obviously need to model them. By changing my behaviors towards and around others, I can inadvertently change hers as well. No, I won’t fix her overnight. Shoot, I can’t fix myself overnight. God is working on me bit by bit. However, I am convinced in the bottom of my heart that if I dedicate myself to modeling a Quiet Grace Filled demeanor, my children will one day follow suit. Now, that doesn’t mean I just let go and let unfavorable behaviors go haywire. It is still my responsibility to teach and correct those behaviors in my children as I am correcting them in myself as well. They manner and tone in which I accomplish those lessons, however, has changed.

Prayer: Creator and Father, you amaze me. I stand in awe of the fact that you made me on purpose, planning “good works” for my life in Christ. Please help me to complete the “good work” of raising and training these children you have placed in my arms. Amen.  

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother- Lesson 9

Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)  He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

A beautiful and wise friend (and fellow mother of four) once pointed this verse out to me. It changed my entire outlook on this season in my life. It came at a time when I was completely overwhelmed with my job as a mother. My soldier-husband was working 80 hours a week, and we had just been stationed 2200 miles away from friends and family. I was all alone at home, trying to figure out how to make it through the day with a 3 year old, and 6 month old identical twins. Each day, each hour for that matter, was a struggle. Angela gently explained to me through her writing that I was going to be OK. She shared how the Lord was indeed leading me like a shepherd. I had my hands full of “young”, that was for sure.

Again, this verse has come to the front of my life as a mother. I now have four children, ages 6, 4, 4, and 1. Each day is still a challenge as I try to become a better mother. I want to lead by grace and positive example. When I look back on this verse, I can see that I am being led (still) by a gentle shepherd. He is guiding me gently along this path. When God refused to answer my request to be mute, he had a better plan. Each day, each new verse, each little tidbit of insight is helping me to grow.

I can close my eyes and imagine myself as a ewe, with her little ones around her. As I scan the field, I see many more ewes, all with little lambs running through their legs. We all seem a bit tired, stumbling over our little ones. Then, when we are so frustrated that we begin to stomp on those little feet underneath ours, our shepherd reaches out his staff. He guides us to a fresh stream and pasture filled with green grass. All we have to do is follow where He leads. That is the reason for this very quest. As we follow where God leads us through the Bible, we will gather our strength, and fill ourselves on the good food he provides for us. That will give us the strength we need to be Quiet Grace Filled Mothers. Thanks for being in this flock with me!

Quiet Grace Filled Mother -Lesson 8

Mark 6:31 (NIV) Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

The disciples have just returned to Jesus, telling him of all the work they have done. They are tired. Jesus invites them to come to be with Him in a quiet place. Never before have I thought of this passage in terms of motherhood, but it is a good example of our day. As moms, we work from sunup to sundown, and most likely in between as well. Our job is a 24 hour on-call position that requires us to give of ourselves until our bodies are weary.

I giggled when I read the part about the disciples not having a chance to eat. There will be days when I can’t figure out why my stomach is rumbling like the little yellow stuffed bear my children love to watch on TV. Oh yeah…I forgot to eat. I’ll feed the kids and then get totally distracted by something like spilled milk, a phone call, or a fit pitched over the obvious “unfairness” of giving an unequal number of chips to each child. I never thought I would relate to the disciples so literally.

My hunger goes beyond the physical “rumbly in my tumbly”, and I believe that Jesus was talking about more than a physical need to eat as well. When he invites them to take a break, Jesus tells the disciples to “come with me”. They are to go with Him. He wants to dwell with them in a quiet place. In my busy days as a mom of four small children, I often forget to take time to feed my soul by going to a quiet place with my Lord. Those seem to be the days where I more easily lose my temper and resort to yelling.

Honestly, there are days when I don’t have a quiet moment. I count it as a triumph to take a four minute shower with only 1 or 2 interruptions. So, how do I get a quiet moment? I have learned through this quest that my quiet moment only has to be just that…a moment. In this season of my life, I don’t need an hour long session of solitude. That, quite honestly, is a ridiculous thought. I just need a moment. Five minutes, 30 seconds, or 30 minutes….whatever I can get. God will indeed meet me in that moment. The return on my investment in that moment is that God has shown me His presence. This quest to become a Quiet, Grace Filled mom begins first and foremost in my soul. The only way to get my soul to a quiet state is to allow it a moment to rest in the presence of its creator.

Prayer: Father, thank you for your desire to meet me at any moment! Amen

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother -Lesson 7

Psalm 139:4-6 (NIV) ⁴ Before a
word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. ⁵ You hem
me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. ⁶
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Wow, that took my breath away. God knows when I am
about to yell, scream, and pitch a royal mom fit. That is completely humbling.
It is also very humiliating. I can just see the sad look on His face as he sees
me well up with anger, getting ready to shout at my (His) children. I wish I
was an artist. I would paint a picture of that scene and hang it in my home. It
reminds me of when I watch my one year old son getting ready to do something
naughty. He always turns and looks to see if I am watching just a split second
before he carries out his devious adventure. Maybe I should “turn” and remember
that God is watching me as well when I am parenting my children.

I am quite
sure that if Jesus were physically standing next to me, I wouldn’t lose my
temper at my kids. I’d put on my happy mom face and do my best to parent the
way I should. So, my new tool is to imagine that He is indeed standing there
with me. After all, I have invited Jesus into my heart and life. So, in a
sense, He is indeed there with me.

Despite the humiliation that verse 4 brought to my
heart, verses 5 and 6 give me hope and purpose. It is blatantly obvious that I
can not control my tongue on my own. I can’t depend on my parenting skills
alone. As moms of little ones, it is so easy to feel all alone in this quest to
become better at our most important job. The good news is that we aren’t. The
Bible promises that as we search for wisdom, God will help us to attain it.
Verse 5 says that his hand is upon us. 
Can you imagine a warm and comforting hand on your shoulder, gently turning
you, guiding you down the correct path? That hand isn’t forcing you. It is ever
so slight, but still firm and confident.

God is both “behind and before” us.
That means he sees all we have done, and all we have yet to do. If we trust his
guiding hand, we can know that our path will be the one He chooses for us. Verse 6 helps us celebrate the overwhelming fact
that the wisdom we seek as parents is impossible to obtain on our own, but
through God, we are blessed with such wonderful knowledge. He will help us. We
just have to ask. Or, in my case, ask, and then shut my mouth long enough to
listen.  

Prayer: Father, your hand is such a comfort to me.
It is powerful, it is real, and I don’t deserve it. Thank you for your grace
and your willingness to teach me the lessons I need to learn in a manner that
is firm yet gentle in the same touch. Please help me to guide my children in
the same manner. Allow me to set and example for them that is good and right,
so that they can follow your path as well. I thank you for showing me how to be
a Quiet, Grace Filled Mother through your example. Amen. 

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother -Lesson 6

"Interest in wisdom always yields increasing returns." - Erin Weaver, pastor Grace Bible Church

 Prov 4:7 (NIV) “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding”   

Our pastor recently preached a sermon on wisdom and finances. The opening statement hit me immediately. It made perfect sense in my quest to become a Quiet Grace-Filled Mother. The last verse I studied spoke of reaping a harvest. The imagery evoked by his quote, “Interest in wisdom always yields increasing returns,” is much the same. The goal is to steadily gain wisdom and understanding in the practice of parenting. As I do so, I can make little “deposits” into the “accounts” (aka children) I have running about my home. The returns I hope to reap with the application of this wisdom are eternal.

Above all else, I want my children to know Jesus. Besides that, I hope to reap the “returns” of watching my little ones grow into adults who show God’s love in their every day actions.   As our pastor was illustrating his point of financial wisdom, he pointed out Proverbs 4:7 (“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding”). This verse backs up what I have learned form the previous the verse in Hebrews (12:11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”).

Learning to control my tongue and volume has been a painful process. I have devoted my much coveted nap times to studying what God has for me. This might not seem like much to most, but ask any chronically sleep deprived, stay at home mom of little ones, and she will espouse the true need for nap time.  It is actually painful. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, and I am just plain old tired. However, my spirit has been filled with joy. My heavenly Father must really love me to daily bring verses and wisdom to me in doses that I can digest. As I seek wisdom, he brings it to me.  

It is also painful when I quite literally bite my own tongue as I catch myself yelling. As I grow weary from lack of sleep, it is often so easy for me to slip into the maniac yelling mom mode. I have failed more than once to maintain peace. However, by recalling and reciting the verses I have learned, I have also been able to reel my self in, apologize to my children (YES, moms should apologize), and realign my demeanor with my quest.

 I encourage you to pick even one verse I have listed to use as your go-to verse. When we “hide God’s word in our hearts” it truly does show itself when we most need it. You will be surprised when a verse will pop into your head.  

Prayer: Father, you are so wise. Thank you for helping me to seek wisdom, investing that knowledge in the lives of your beautiful children. I praise you for knowing me so well, loving me so much, and helping me teach my little ones about you. Amen.  

 

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother - Lesson 5

Hebrews 12:11 (NIV) “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

That is EXACTLY what I want!! I want a “harvest of righteousness and peace” for my children. My goal as a mother is to help guide them along a path that will create such a wonderful spiritual setting in their lives. So, that begs the question; How on earth am I going to sew the seeds that will reap such a bountiful harvest? The key is in the second word of that verse, “discipline”.

Discipline is one of those words that everyone seems to hate. It brings about negative connotations and feelings of belittlement. I’ll admit it definitely doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies either. Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. Discipline is also a word that means “to train, or having training in” an area of study. If I look at the word discipline as a focus or training, then my mothering skills must change. I can’t admonish my children in anger, bringing down punishments in an iron fisted manner if I want them to learn discipline…meaning I want them to become little people who’s actions are trained in such a way that they can be examples of God’s love to others. 

So, what am I to do? I don’t think there is a magic fix. I firmly believe that my Heavenly father is teaching me this “painful” lesson so that I can better model the behaviors that I want my children to exude. After all, no technique, tip, book of plans, or specific type of discipline is nearly as effective as modeling. The old “do as I say not as I do” trick definitely doesn’t work with little ones. As I strive to seek God’s word and desires for how I parent, I will be better able to model what I want my children to become. After all, that is exactly what God has been doing for me all along, I was just to stubborn to see it.

Quiet, Grace Filled Mother - Lesson 4

Proverbs 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Words as a gift…I have never thought of them that way. Proverbs 25:11 says, when taken simply, that the words I say to others should be given as a gift. That is quite profound in terms of mothering. As moms, how many times do we have to correct, chastise, or plain old fuss at our kids? I can tell you that as of nap time most days, I’ve lost count! Yet, when I read that verse, it really made me think about the words that come out of my mouth. 

Is it possible that I can still correct my children, providing essential discipline, while simultaneously using my words as gifts to those that I love? Yes, I do believe it is possible. Easy? Not on your life! Possible? Yes. 

As I set about this quest, I determined that even in frustrating situations (freezing temperatures, gusting winds, and a house full of 4 cranky kids and 2 wound up dogs), I will try my best to use my words as gifts. When I speak out of anger (yelling), my words are definitely not a gift. The exact same words can be said in a calm and quiet tone, and at that point, they are a gift. When a fight breaks out, I can either yell in a maniac mom voice, “YOU DO NOT HIT YOUR SISTERS! GO TO TIME OUT!” Or, I can quietly state in a soft but firm voice, “You do not hit your sisters. Go to time out.” The exact same words were stated. The tone, delivery, and message, however, were entirely different. 

Even words of correction are a gift because it is our jobs as mothers to teach and train our children in the way of the Lord. So, we can’t let bad behaviors slide. But, we can correct them with a tone and demeanor that essentially says, “I love you. What you did was wrong, and here is how to change that behavior…”

Prayer: Father, who loves and trains me, thank you so much for guiding me on this quest. I want to be an example of your love to the children you have placed in my arms. Please give me the strength to learn the lesson you are teaching me, and the wisdom to apply what I am learning to the way I mother my children day in and day out. Amen.