2 Timothy 2:14 (NIV) Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.
At first glance, this verse seems like the perfect verse to teach children who fuss and quarrel with each other. Well, it probably is. However, this verse struck me as ever so important for mothers. It is so easy for us to argue with our children. Those little stinkers can pull us into a quarrel without us even knowing what happened. Sometimes, I think they go to a secret school to learn just what buttons to push to draw us into an argument that they think they can win. For me, as the argument wages on, my volume increases. The end of the episode usually ends up with me yelling something really insightful like, “BECAUSE I SAID SO”. That is not quiet, it is not grace filled, and it doesn’t teach my children anything they should learn. I don’t want to “ruin those who listen” (my little ones with radar ears).
How then, do we approach these situations? First, we have to learn to recognize the warning signs that a storm is approaching. Each child has different cues. One sets her jaw, the other stares with a certain dominance, and another clenches her fists. My little guy just gives me a smile that could charm a snake, and I know he is up to no good. If I can recognize those signs, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and come into the arena armed with grace instead of anger, I win before we start. The simplest way I have found is to simply not listen. By refusing to acknowledge their words until they are rephrased in a kind manner, the little bomb they planted is defused before the timer can be set. This does take training. At first, you have to talk them through the steps.
“I’m sorry, Mommy can’t understand ugly words….how can you say that differently?”
WHINE WHINE YELL FUSS….
“Can you say it this way…..”
WHINE CRY SCREAM
“I’m so sorry. When you can talk with mommy about this in a gentle way, maybe we can figure something out…..
Eventually, I promise, they will come around. I have a very wise friend who also is blessed with 3 girls and a boy. However, her children are all much older than mine. She has this routine perfected. All she has to do is look at them a certain way, and her kids rephrase what they are saying. To me, it is like watching a ballerina dancing on point when I see her gently correct and guide her children. I hope to dance the same dance one day. I want my words to be of value to my children.
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