Emptying

Dear Friends,

This has been a painfully introspective week for me. I've had some heavy things on my heart for awhile, but have continued to pray through them, let friends cheer me on, and just make sure I'm confident of the next step before I say anything here.

I've been reading "Prayers of a God Chaser" by Tommy Tenney. Excellent book! This week I've been reading about "the prayers of emptying." Sometimes I really feel like I've been as emptied as I can get, for the last few years around here have involved quite a bit of loss and hardship. However, God revealed some things to me this week that I wasn't expecting.

"Angela, you're kind of like a little girl that poured herself a glass of muddy water and really wants clean water instead. Someone comes and offers to give you clean water, but you won't dump the muddy water out of your glass - and there is no room for the clean water in your glass full of muddy water."

Let me back up a bit. Seven years ago, I was living in a tiny house in an unfamiliar place, horribly struggling with depression and baby four on the way. I had always loved God - as long as I can remember. I was struggling through so much trying to reconcile my beliefs about how to build a relationship with God with the reality that I never had a moment to myself.

Over time, God gave me a message. He began building something in my heart that I could share with moms, and I began to write it all down in book form. Over the years I have edited and re-edited. I had the guts to submit it to one publisher and take the rejection. I've edited and re-edited some more.

In the meantime, I've coordinated MOPS...and then my church decided not to offer MOPS anymore. I've tried to start other things, and always run into a brick wall somewhere.

My heart is for moms, and I know that God has given me a message. But I often don't see God opening doors to share it. I've gone through season after season of intense discouragement over it. I've often gotten a new glass out of the cabinet and poured the same muddy water from the old glass into the new one. But I've yet to just dump it out and wait for God to refill it.

A quote I read in "Prayer of a God Chaser" this week, said this: The very taproot of rebellion is in the desire to be "great" on our own terms.

Oh, that stung to read. Because in reality, I know that my heart has been in that place. I so want to see fruit from my pain. I want to see God use the pain He brought me through and the message He's built in my life to minister to others. But I want to see it now. I want to see it on my terms. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of sitting on a shelf. But the truth is, God can't use that.....not to His fullest - not on His terms.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is asking me to discontinue Those With Young. It is a bit painful for me, and maybe for a few of you. But it has been even more painful to do my own thing without God pouring out His blessing.

I want God to fill my cup. I don't want to hold my glass of muddy water up any longer - hoping that I'll somehow get His best by my own efforts.

So this will be the last post here, that isn't of announcement content. I will be leaving the site up and accessible to those of you who want to read things from the past. I've left my personal e-mail address on the content page if you'd like to contact me, as I've deleted the Those With Young e-mail account. The Twitter account has also been removed, and the Facebook fan page will come down in the next week or so.

I've really enjoyed going on this (little over a year long) journey with you. It has stretched me, and I hope it has blessed you.

God bless!

Oh, p.s. I can't completely leave without telling you that Bill got a promotion this week. Yay, God! Thank you to all of you who have been praying for my family.