The Quest to Become a Quiet, Grace Filled Mother - by Kendra

I
have a confession. A while back, I realized that I didn’t like the way I was
parenting. In fact, I would go so strongly as to say I hated the manner in
which I had resorted to dealing with my children: yelling. I would start off
each day with the best of intentions. I determined that I would be positive,
use praise, use gentle correction, allow for natural consequences…etc. Then,
exhaustion set in, all 4 kids (ages 1yr -6 yrs) are on the rampage, there is a
stinky diaper waiting to be changed, one dog is barking, the other dog runs
away for the 100^th time, dinner needs to be prepared, and the phone
is ringing. What did I do? I yelled.

By
the end of the day, I was sitting in my rocker with tears falling down my face
while I nursed my son to sleep. The girls were all in bed after a fight over
who knows what, my husband was working late, and the dogs were finally quiet at
my feet…and I cried. Tears fell because that wass not how I wanted my day to
go. When I begged God to allow me to become a mother after a devastating
medical diagnosis, I just knew I would do a wonderful job raising children in a
warm, loving, Christian home. Nope, I just yell.  

Recently,
I asked God to take away my voice. I figured that if I couldn’t control my
volume and words, maybe He would. However, my ever knowing Father denied that
request. I still have my voice, as uncooperative and bull-headed as it always
has been. Honestly, I wondered why He wouldn’t listen to me. It seemed such an
honest and simple solution to my problem.  

One
morning, God showed me why he denied my request. We try to spend most mornings
at the breakfast table with our devotional book. I count it as our Bible time
for our homeschooling routine. The devotions are simple and aimed at Children
ages 3-7. Yet, that morning, I was really impacted by the single verse selected
for the devotion: Proverbs 4:11 (NIV) “I guide you in the way of wisdom and
lead you along straight paths”. As usual, I asked my girls what they thought the
verse meant. We talked about what wisdom really was. It hit me like a brick.
God is going to teach me wisdom in parenting the hard way.

 

If God
took my voice away, what would it accomplish? I’d just be a mute mom. I
couldn’t sing to my babies, read stories, or teach school. Of course, I
couldn’t yell either…but that wasn’t the point.

The wisdom I am learning is
indeed a straight path; the path set forth by example by my Loving Father. He
doesn’t yell at me. He allows me to suffer the consequences of my actions, but
he forgives me just the same. His grace and mercy cover me no matter how bad a
choice I have made. He still welcomes me into His arms.  

That
very first day, the children tested me to my very outer limits. You should have
heard the hullabaloo that began the minute my mother in law called. However, I did
not yell. I was stern, but not mean. I enforced natural consequences, but not
in an angry manner.  

My
desire in sharing this quest with you is to study together how God can create
in me (us) the attitude of “Quiet Grace-filled Mothering”. I will post some of the lessons that I have learned so that we can learn together. I will fail,
probably repeatedly, but I have the best teacher in the world. I will not give
up. My job as a mom is just too important. I can’t get fired, so I just have to
find a way to do this job better!